My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
