The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
