my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
