i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
