im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
