Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
