i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
