Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
