you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
