yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
