Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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