We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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