My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
