he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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