he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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