So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i think i just lost a toe
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
