Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
