Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
