My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
