remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
