if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This is the high leading the old right now
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
