But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
