So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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