I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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