Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Sober January is a disaster.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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