Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
