That's when you crack a 10am beer
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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