we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All I want is dick and wine.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
