Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
