I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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