I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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