First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
