I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
