hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
