I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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