just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
