we're blogging at a bar
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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