They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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