I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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