The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
