Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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