i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
