Screwed.edu
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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