im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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