I must be too annoying 4 u.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
