yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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