omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
