someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
