I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
