I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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