SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
