I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
