I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
