is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
